#WhyITwitch

So, this didn't really fit in a 280character tweet so I decided I go ahead and just make a blog post about this.
(On the phone, lmao)
We all know I can't keep things short.
I talk too much.
Actually, I barely talk.
I always wait until it's the time to
and I feel comfortable.
Anyway, I'm drifting off...

#WhyITwitch
There are so many things why.

Let's start at - why I started streaming.
I always had a soft spot for games.
My dad used to love gaming already so we always had all kinda consoles and, sshhh, we had our consoles chipped (or whatever that's called) so I had literally 123456789... games.
When I got older I didn't really have the time to anymore. And god, did I miss it.
I love hanging out with people and all but I also absolutely love just chilling and playing a few videogames and back then I didn't even know Twitch was a thing.
When I stumbled upon it I was like
Oh.my.god.this.is.so.cool!
So I started streaming on my PS4.
I never had a good PC, barely a good laptop. I did pretty much everything over my phone.
The first game I started streaming was The Last of Us and god did I fall in love with streaming!
So I started streaming every day when I was alone at home at around 8pm my time.
Yeh, sometimes there were people, sometimes there weren't. But the pure thought that people COULD watch my gameplay made me freaking excited! And it didn't feel like I was playing alone. I just purelyyyy enjoyed it!
I saved up money and thought it was about time to get myself a PC and work myself into streaming on a PC and I remember the game I streamed the most for the first year was Smite.
And not long after that I started getting to know some people that shared the same interest than me and I was like WOW!
There are all these people out there sharing the same interest AND I NEVER KNEW!
Keep in mind I was living in a VERY small town so the amount of gamer was almost zero. Almost. Because there was me, haha.
So I just kept doing it. For the fun. For the people. For the great company. It was something I started looking forward to. It was like, at this and this time I'll be hanging out with friends again.
And god was it pure and fun.
I also didn't have any donation link or anything like that for the first year. I thought to myself I would have to grow first and invest work and time into this first. And never did it cross my mind that I could actually work towards making my passion a job.
It was just fun and at that time that was enough.
The people made it enough for me. Because I enjoyed their company. And it made me feel like I could be myself.

When I think back now, I made some of my best friends on Twitch. I met my boyfriend like this (and he is the most amazing person on earth, bless), any second I invested in streaming was well invested in my opinion.

#WhyITwitch?
Because of the people. The friendship. The fun. The love. ♡

Why do you Twitch?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Twitch: Mercedita1207
Twitter: Mercedita1207
Instagram: Mercedita_

It's finally happening! o(≧∇≦o)

Hey guys! 💜

I won't be able to stream as much these days
- I finally got an apartment in Spain 
and have to move in less than two weeks
from Germany to Spain
so my head is exploding into all directions 😂

I hope you understand! 😊

But the good news are:

•  I will be in a new city which means I will do a lot IRL streamsexploring the city with you guys! 😊
  
•  We can go to different bars together and you guys can for example decide what I'll order 😝
  
•  I will also show you some historical things in the city, some traditional things, some cultural things, we'll be exploring it together! 😊

I am really looking forward to exploring Spain with you! 😊

Let's go on shopping sprees, go drink yummy drinks, go eat great food and have a good time together! 😊 💜



Social Media:
Twitch: http://www.twitch.tv/mercedita1207
Twitter: http://www.twitter.com/mercedita1207
Instagram: http://www.instagram.com/mercedita_
Discord: http://discord.me/acorn

Stuck on Twitch...

I know this feeling have probably a lot of small streamer
and they can most probably relate to this quite a lot
but I really have the feeling like I am pretty much stuck lately.
And I am not complaining or anything,
I am at a point where my chat is active and I have people in the stream
so I can say I achieved that at least
but I feel like other than that nothing is changing drastically.
I am pretty much stuck on exactly that for quite some months already.

And I know you have to be consistent and you grow in time
but do you really?
What if someone just doesn't have the talent for it and they won't grow?
Maybe time doesn't solve everything and staying consistent doesn't solve anything
what if it's just not your thing?

And I am constantly trying to improve myself, to improve my stream,
(I would like to say I am improving my gameplay but let's be real I am bad at videogames lol)
but I feel like I put so much work and passion and heart into this
and it just pretty much gets lost.

I don't know how to properly advertise myself,
and trust me, I am using Twitter, Instagram Snapchat, all the good stuff, you know,
I gotta say though, I stopped tagging all kinda accounts on Twitter
because I feel like most of them don't retweet anyway
and it pretty much clutters my tweet.
And on the other hand I feel like,
even if an account retweets you,
how high are the chances that someone is actually interested in opening your stream then?
99% probably scroll over that.
It's like everyone uses them to advertise themself
but they're actually not interested in any other stream but their's
so no one actually will pop into your stream because of that.
That's what it feels like to me.

And then there are those websites like followtrains and stuff like that,
which to be honest I feel like are complete bullshit, I'm sorry.
People simply follow you just so they get faster on the follow train.
They don't follow you because they like your stream or your content.
So how much importance does a follower like that have?
It's just a number from a literally dead account that will never pop into your stream
so I don't put any importance into that.

I am mostly rambling here but what I actually want to say is
I am out of ideas on how to properly reach people
and how to properly make my channel grow.
I am connecting with a lot of streamers and I am getting along with a lot,
I am using social medias etc
but I am not getting the feedback that I would expect with the time and work I put into it.
And that makes me question, is my stream, my content, or am I not good enough to watch?
Is that why people aren't interested because my stream actually isn't very entertaining?

I am just pretty much stuck, I guess.
We'll see how this goes on.
Of course I will still keep streaming like my schedule says
and I will stay consistent
but it's just tough I guess.

Is it really a surprise that Chester commited suicide?

I know this question might hit people right in the face
and to be quite honest, I never really thought much into it either
until I just recently started listening to some of Linkin Park's most popular songs
and I seriously payed attention to the lyrics.

Yeh, back then I was quite young and I would say my English wasn't the best
to notice that the songs actually have all been highly depressive and suicidal...

Am I the only one that noticed that?
And if I wasn't, was there anyone who would have stepped in?
Obviously we don't know what happened in his private life
but apparently he did use music to express his feelings.

A few examples of what I mean are for example:

In the End
"I tried so hard and got so far but in the end it doesn't even matter"

One Step Closer
"Everything you say to me takes me one step closer to the edge and I'm about to break"

A Light that never comes
"Waiting for the light that never comes"

Crawling
"Crawling in my skin these wounds they will not heal"

Heavy
"I'm holding on, why is everything so heavy?
[...]
I keep dragging around what's bringing me down
if I just let go I'll be set free."

Breaking the Habit
"I hurt much more than any time before, I had no options left again."

Burn it down
"We're building it up, to break it back down."

What I've done
"I'll face myself, to cross out what I've become, erase myself"

Numb
"I've become so numb I can't feel you there"

These are just a few snippets that I got stuck on
and those are songs that got released over the years
so I am wondering, is it really a surprise?
How much pain can a person actually take?
And he apparently had the pain for several years
and it did not seem like it changed in any way if we pay attention to the lyrics.
Sometimes he maybe got up again and tried, like in Heavy
but not too long after that really depressing songs came out again...

I don't think I ever payed as much attention to all of Linkin Park's lyrics than I did these days
and it really makes me wonder if other people have been noticing it, too?
We all have been hyping Linkin Park songs for so many years
and probably in some way some of us felt like someone understands the struggle we go through
but did anyone ever notice that those lyrics are not ours, it's not our story but his?
And that all these years we pretty much have been presented that big part of his depression...

I don't actually know where I'm going with this post,
it just kind of made me sad that every single song I listen to them sounds like a suicidal note...

Merce~

Because, I guess, there isn't enough Space in Tweets...

I normally throw out whatever is on my mind on Twitter,
but every time I do so, a tweet doesn't have enough character...

So I guess this will be a place where I just unload whatever is on my mind.

First of all - if you guys want to get to know me better,
I stream regularly on twitch.tv/mercedita1207
and I have my schedule linked on the side,
would love to see you there! :)

But back to what actually made me want to open this blog.
There are so many things going through my head daily,
and what I throw in here is mainly about streaming,
but lately I've been wondering,
what is there that is "special" about my stream?

I've seen so many other streamer that have something "special" about them.
May it be their humour, their open personality, that they're sweet and kind,
or may it even only be that they're doing a shit load of giveaways
- or, yes, maybe they're just fucking good-looking, lol.

But what is there that makes my stream "special"?

And maybe I can't tell because I am the one streaming,
but I really couldn't find anything that makes my stream special.

I constantly notice so many things that I have to improve,
and that, to be fair, I am working and planning on to improve.
For example my setup. It's too dark
(which also may have to do with that I stream in the middle of the night lol)
but it's not really ideal and I have to improve that.
Well, I am moving soon so my setup will immensely change.
I am still unhappy about it.

Let's not even start on the gameplay, I love gaming, but to be fair, I am quite bad.
I am in no way a "good" gamer neither am I good at any videogames in general.
I enjoy playing them a lot and I wholeheartedly play them,
but there is no game that I am particularly good at.
So for sure, people are not watching me because of my "quality gameplay"
because it's anything but quality, lmao.

I noticed lately, a lot of people are there to get support themself, to advertise themself.
And as much as I love supporting others, I really do,
I still don't feel so happy about that I get the feeling that people aren't there because of "me"
but because of them wanting to advertise themself.
I love supporting people and I love seeing them grow and do good and know I helped them
but isn't it just plain rude to not care about that other person's stream
and just be there for your own advertisement?
Can people just stop being that two-faced and act as if they enjoy a stream
meanwhile all they have in mind is just hoping for support back?
Whatever they were doing and all the "nice" things they say aren't unconditional,
they all for some weird reason come with a price.

Is it too much to ask for people to be in your stream because of "you"?
Isn't that what every streamer wants?

And then I looked at bigger streamer, things like that aren't well seen there AT ALL.
If someone comes in to advertise their own stream, 99% they get banned for that.
And I gotta say, I can understandand that.
Your stream is like your baby, you work hard on it, you put a lot of time and effort in it
and then people just come in and want to selfishly advertise themself?
That is just rude.
And seeing that as rude is not selfish. It's understandable.
Supporting someone who's honest and supportive themself, that's completely fine.
But supporting someone who literally doesn't give a shit about you but just wants your support?
It isn't bad that I find that just plain rude and that I dislike it, is it?

~ Merce