Is it really a surprise that Chester commited suicide?

I know this question might hit people right in the face
and to be quite honest, I never really thought much into it either
until I just recently started listening to some of Linkin Park's most popular songs
and I seriously payed attention to the lyrics.

Yeh, back then I was quite young and I would say my English wasn't the best
to notice that the songs actually have all been highly depressive and suicidal...

Am I the only one that noticed that?
And if I wasn't, was there anyone who would have stepped in?
Obviously we don't know what happened in his private life
but apparently he did use music to express his feelings.

A few examples of what I mean are for example:

In the End
"I tried so hard and got so far but in the end it doesn't even matter"

One Step Closer
"Everything you say to me takes me one step closer to the edge and I'm about to break"

A Light that never comes
"Waiting for the light that never comes"

Crawling
"Crawling in my skin these wounds they will not heal"

Heavy
"I'm holding on, why is everything so heavy?
[...]
I keep dragging around what's bringing me down
if I just let go I'll be set free."

Breaking the Habit
"I hurt much more than any time before, I had no options left again."

Burn it down
"We're building it up, to break it back down."

What I've done
"I'll face myself, to cross out what I've become, erase myself"

Numb
"I've become so numb I can't feel you there"

These are just a few snippets that I got stuck on
and those are songs that got released over the years
so I am wondering, is it really a surprise?
How much pain can a person actually take?
And he apparently had the pain for several years
and it did not seem like it changed in any way if we pay attention to the lyrics.
Sometimes he maybe got up again and tried, like in Heavy
but not too long after that really depressing songs came out again...

I don't think I ever payed as much attention to all of Linkin Park's lyrics than I did these days
and it really makes me wonder if other people have been noticing it, too?
We all have been hyping Linkin Park songs for so many years
and probably in some way some of us felt like someone understands the struggle we go through
but did anyone ever notice that those lyrics are not ours, it's not our story but his?
And that all these years we pretty much have been presented that big part of his depression...

I don't actually know where I'm going with this post,
it just kind of made me sad that every single song I listen to them sounds like a suicidal note...

Merce~

Because, I guess, there isn't enough Space in Tweets...

I normally throw out whatever is on my mind on Twitter,
but every time I do so, a tweet doesn't have enough character...

So I guess this will be a place where I just unload whatever is on my mind.

First of all - if you guys want to get to know me better,
I stream regularly on twitch.tv/mercedita1207
and I have my schedule linked on the side,
would love to see you there! :)

But back to what actually made me want to open this blog.
There are so many things going through my head daily,
and what I throw in here is mainly about streaming,
but lately I've been wondering,
what is there that is "special" about my stream?

I've seen so many other streamer that have something "special" about them.
May it be their humour, their open personality, that they're sweet and kind,
or may it even only be that they're doing a shit load of giveaways
- or, yes, maybe they're just fucking good-looking, lol.

But what is there that makes my stream "special"?

And maybe I can't tell because I am the one streaming,
but I really couldn't find anything that makes my stream special.

I constantly notice so many things that I have to improve,
and that, to be fair, I am working and planning on to improve.
For example my setup. It's too dark
(which also may have to do with that I stream in the middle of the night lol)
but it's not really ideal and I have to improve that.
Well, I am moving soon so my setup will immensely change.
I am still unhappy about it.

Let's not even start on the gameplay, I love gaming, but to be fair, I am quite bad.
I am in no way a "good" gamer neither am I good at any videogames in general.
I enjoy playing them a lot and I wholeheartedly play them,
but there is no game that I am particularly good at.
So for sure, people are not watching me because of my "quality gameplay"
because it's anything but quality, lmao.

I noticed lately, a lot of people are there to get support themself, to advertise themself.
And as much as I love supporting others, I really do,
I still don't feel so happy about that I get the feeling that people aren't there because of "me"
but because of them wanting to advertise themself.
I love supporting people and I love seeing them grow and do good and know I helped them
but isn't it just plain rude to not care about that other person's stream
and just be there for your own advertisement?
Can people just stop being that two-faced and act as if they enjoy a stream
meanwhile all they have in mind is just hoping for support back?
Whatever they were doing and all the "nice" things they say aren't unconditional,
they all for some weird reason come with a price.

Is it too much to ask for people to be in your stream because of "you"?
Isn't that what every streamer wants?

And then I looked at bigger streamer, things like that aren't well seen there AT ALL.
If someone comes in to advertise their own stream, 99% they get banned for that.
And I gotta say, I can understandand that.
Your stream is like your baby, you work hard on it, you put a lot of time and effort in it
and then people just come in and want to selfishly advertise themself?
That is just rude.
And seeing that as rude is not selfish. It's understandable.
Supporting someone who's honest and supportive themself, that's completely fine.
But supporting someone who literally doesn't give a shit about you but just wants your support?
It isn't bad that I find that just plain rude and that I dislike it, is it?

~ Merce